Life Without Nicole Day 1

On Feb 1 I received the most heartbreaking news ever. I remembered clearly that I was taking a nap after a long painful tiring training that I've been doing for the past few months. My gf who is the love of my life decided to call me up. I was half asleep when she called me. She said we needed to talk. I listened to her, every words she said made my heart racing. I felt a sense of hopelessness as she cried during the conversation. She told me that we are really distant. She said she couldn't she me anymore. I was speechless. I don't know what to say. I felt like my whole happiness that I so long for has been taken away from me. I am without goal. I am lonely.

My therapy for me is always the gym. For no rhyme of reasons, I found pleasure when I felt pain physically. I find pleasure when I work. Every inch of my muscles being tortured by every movement I made. My heart is pumping fast when I do my cardio, I am breathless but I found pleasure. I worked 10 times harder when Im depressed,sad or angry. That day I feel like I could spend my time at the gym in eternity.

I was mad. I don't know to who I was mad at. Myself for making her make that decision? God? Or her?

I went home. I couldn't sleep. I have to forced myself to sleep with 100 mg of benadryl. I'm hooked.