Dear Nikki,
Waow it's been 38 days since you left me. Time seems to passes by so quick, yet you are still in my mind. I always love music. Did I ever tell you that? Music is my inspiration as well as motivation. When I am doing my cardio, new songs seems to give me an extra kick and endurance. I love trance and hardcore trance. As a matter of fact, that's the only songs in my playlist. A lot of people don't understand why trance is a good music, but I do. When I listen to music, I listen to the beat and try to synchronize with my heart rate. Insted of most people who listen to music because of the lyrics. Most lyrics for most music has almost the same trend, and I hate that. It's always about love,girl,broken heart, friendship bla bla bla....Give me a break!
My birthday is coming up soon...Can I get you back as a present?...hmmm
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Life Without Nicole Day 26
Dear Nikki,
It's the 26 th days , since you left me. Guess what? Your friend Ron came up and approached me yesterday and asked about you. I was suprised, since I've never talked to him in my entire life, and he decided to approached me and talk to me. We did millitary press togather. Of course he asked me whether he can join in. Can you keep up? that's what I told him
I've gotten used to 80 lbs vest now. Im gonna start timing and hopefully go below 30 mins. Im started crossfit back up. 'signal 33' Tomorrow.
I'm getting stronger! Hopefully you've been training. LOL
It's the 26 th days , since you left me. Guess what? Your friend Ron came up and approached me yesterday and asked about you. I was suprised, since I've never talked to him in my entire life, and he decided to approached me and talk to me. We did millitary press togather. Of course he asked me whether he can join in. Can you keep up? that's what I told him
I've gotten used to 80 lbs vest now. Im gonna start timing and hopefully go below 30 mins. Im started crossfit back up. 'signal 33' Tomorrow.
I'm getting stronger! Hopefully you've been training. LOL
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Life Without Nicole Day 17
Dear Nikki,
I felt like I am in the wilderness..Alone, hungry and filled with temptations. Today is Ash Wednesday. As the priest put ashes on my forehead and said 'be faifthful to the gospel and turn away from sin' I was convinced that is with me with all these things that been going on. Father Jack said that God is even closer with us when we suffer because he loves us. I am thankful for that.
I did a bunch of deadlift yesterday and did 'stephanie' today at the gym. My lower back is so sore I couldn't even bent over...Urrrgh I hate that feeling.
'Don't give in to discouragement.If you are discouraged, it's a sign of pride because it shows that you trust in your own powers. Never bother about other people's opinions. Be obedient to truth for with humble obedience you will never disturbed' ,Mother Teresa of calcuta
I felt like I am in the wilderness..Alone, hungry and filled with temptations. Today is Ash Wednesday. As the priest put ashes on my forehead and said 'be faifthful to the gospel and turn away from sin' I was convinced that is with me with all these things that been going on. Father Jack said that God is even closer with us when we suffer because he loves us. I am thankful for that.
I did a bunch of deadlift yesterday and did 'stephanie' today at the gym. My lower back is so sore I couldn't even bent over...Urrrgh I hate that feeling.
'Don't give in to discouragement.If you are discouraged, it's a sign of pride because it shows that you trust in your own powers. Never bother about other people's opinions. Be obedient to truth for with humble obedience you will never disturbed' ,Mother Teresa of calcuta
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Life without Nicole day 16
Dear Nikki,
New week, new day and new goals. I was suprised when I went on shift yesterday, and my Capt told me to go to station 20 and be on the squad. I told him that if I go there, I won't be coming back. God has blessed me with a good shift. Yesterday was my 2nd fire this year. It was a good fire. I pulled every ceiling on that house, and I was amazed how much stronger I became by implementing crossfit in my work out. Even though it was cold, I enjoyed that shift. Every fire that I fought feel like an orgasm. I put out that fire as well as the fire that lies beneath my heart. Will it rekindle? Every night when I think of you.
I also have a couple of good new. Since our vacation is cancelled, I decided to use that money to better myself. I have signed up for crossfit level 1 course on May 22-23rd. I am so excited! I also signed up and bought some materials for ACSM personal trainer certification. You can use the materials when I got done. All you have to do is pay for the test, and you will be certified. Of course if that's what you want...
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I know you don't beleive in all those but if you remember, Ash Wednesday is the beginning for lent season. I am always afraid of lent. There's the time when I faced with a lot of temptations and right now without you, my faith seems weak.
Am I still in your thoughts?? I always wondered.....
New week, new day and new goals. I was suprised when I went on shift yesterday, and my Capt told me to go to station 20 and be on the squad. I told him that if I go there, I won't be coming back. God has blessed me with a good shift. Yesterday was my 2nd fire this year. It was a good fire. I pulled every ceiling on that house, and I was amazed how much stronger I became by implementing crossfit in my work out. Even though it was cold, I enjoyed that shift. Every fire that I fought feel like an orgasm. I put out that fire as well as the fire that lies beneath my heart. Will it rekindle? Every night when I think of you.
I also have a couple of good new. Since our vacation is cancelled, I decided to use that money to better myself. I have signed up for crossfit level 1 course on May 22-23rd. I am so excited! I also signed up and bought some materials for ACSM personal trainer certification. You can use the materials when I got done. All you have to do is pay for the test, and you will be certified. Of course if that's what you want...
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I know you don't beleive in all those but if you remember, Ash Wednesday is the beginning for lent season. I am always afraid of lent. There's the time when I faced with a lot of temptations and right now without you, my faith seems weak.
Am I still in your thoughts?? I always wondered.....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Life without Nicole day 12
Dear Nikki,
My shift was really exhausting. I am not suprised, since it's not that often that we have snow in Atlanta. I am glad that I got to meet you today and finally comprehend the whole situation. I've done fucked up, and I decided to give up in our relationship. Thank you for making me realized that doing things for someone is not good enough...
I've decided to moved on,take a break and sleep my problems away....
My shift was really exhausting. I am not suprised, since it's not that often that we have snow in Atlanta. I am glad that I got to meet you today and finally comprehend the whole situation. I've done fucked up, and I decided to give up in our relationship. Thank you for making me realized that doing things for someone is not good enough...
I've decided to moved on,take a break and sleep my problems away....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Life Without Nicole Day 11
Dear Nikki,
I used to have a fascination with the solar system when I was a kid. So fascinated that I even had this beautiful dream of me taking a train, and the train took me around the solar system. As I've get older, I realized that my dream actually come to reality. Even though the train do not really take me to the outer space they take me round the area where I live. I board this train every third day, and I called it the night train. Even though it's sometime I am physically exhausting riding this train, I had my eyes opened. I saw a lot of things that regular people don't usually see and to make it better, I actually be able to do something about it. I felt sense of joy after I went off board the train at 7 am the next morning. On board this train, I see a lot of people who are having more problems than I do. I felt useless and torn down for a minute problems, and I feel that these people need to be praised for their bravery and courage to live through another day.
As I pondered at my small little bunkroom hoping I could get some shut eyes three questions come to my mind.
1.Have you asked God what would be best?
2.What do you thiunk healthy communication should be like?
3.How would you want someone to treat you?
I am lost for answers at all these questions except for no 3. which is bad because I used to be treated badly,get used at and get mocked at so that person can feel better about themselves.
In this is mind, I bottled things up and keep everything to myself.
I am really vulnerable when I am emotionally distressed. I can't think of anything to make myself a happy person. Emotional wound takes longer to heal than physical wound. For the past few weeks my life has been going down the slope except for my strength.(I work out more when I am stressed out). People been labelling me at work,issues with my friend,decision that is going to affect my life. I feel all this is piling up on me, and I am about to break down.
I used to have a fascination with the solar system when I was a kid. So fascinated that I even had this beautiful dream of me taking a train, and the train took me around the solar system. As I've get older, I realized that my dream actually come to reality. Even though the train do not really take me to the outer space they take me round the area where I live. I board this train every third day, and I called it the night train. Even though it's sometime I am physically exhausting riding this train, I had my eyes opened. I saw a lot of things that regular people don't usually see and to make it better, I actually be able to do something about it. I felt sense of joy after I went off board the train at 7 am the next morning. On board this train, I see a lot of people who are having more problems than I do. I felt useless and torn down for a minute problems, and I feel that these people need to be praised for their bravery and courage to live through another day.
As I pondered at my small little bunkroom hoping I could get some shut eyes three questions come to my mind.
1.Have you asked God what would be best?
2.What do you thiunk healthy communication should be like?
3.How would you want someone to treat you?
I am lost for answers at all these questions except for no 3. which is bad because I used to be treated badly,get used at and get mocked at so that person can feel better about themselves.
In this is mind, I bottled things up and keep everything to myself.
I am really vulnerable when I am emotionally distressed. I can't think of anything to make myself a happy person. Emotional wound takes longer to heal than physical wound. For the past few weeks my life has been going down the slope except for my strength.(I work out more when I am stressed out). People been labelling me at work,issues with my friend,decision that is going to affect my life. I feel all this is piling up on me, and I am about to break down.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Life without Nicole day 9
Dear Nikki,
Life is getting back to normal for me. I am really aggrevated this morning. I felt like I didn't push myself hard enough on the climb. It's only 5 more flights, and I gave up.
I thank God for giving me such a wonderful mom. She asked me out to lunch. Even though the food was a disappoinment, I enjoyed her company. She told me that I don't have to spend money on Vday.. and she laughed at me. She also said that if you wanna love a female,I should love her insted because a mother's love is unconditional. Her words made me think for a while. Love is a virtue and sacrifice rather than feeling.
I went back to the gym today and was suprised that this guy started to approcched me at the locker. Thank goodness I wasn't naked. He looked nervous when he talked to me. He said he's training for the polic academy, and he wanted me to train him. I asked him how many lifes he got? I also told him to look out crossfit.com. I am sure you are not suprised at what I am going to tell him.
I am feeling kinda weird today. I think I am catching a cold...
Life is getting back to normal for me. I am really aggrevated this morning. I felt like I didn't push myself hard enough on the climb. It's only 5 more flights, and I gave up.
I thank God for giving me such a wonderful mom. She asked me out to lunch. Even though the food was a disappoinment, I enjoyed her company. She told me that I don't have to spend money on Vday.. and she laughed at me. She also said that if you wanna love a female,I should love her insted because a mother's love is unconditional. Her words made me think for a while. Love is a virtue and sacrifice rather than feeling.
I went back to the gym today and was suprised that this guy started to approcched me at the locker. Thank goodness I wasn't naked. He looked nervous when he talked to me. He said he's training for the polic academy, and he wanted me to train him. I asked him how many lifes he got? I also told him to look out crossfit.com. I am sure you are not suprised at what I am going to tell him.
I am feeling kinda weird today. I think I am catching a cold...
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